Ok, for those of you who are visiting my blog for the first time and are asking “what in the world is her blog about?”. I advise you to check out my post Why I started this Blog. Now that we got that out the way let’s get into this post.
I am sure most of you have met someone in your life that you cared dearly about whether it was a best friend, ex or maybe even a sibling. Yesterday I “lost” my best-friend, boyfriend, potential future husband and just all around good guy. Let’s just call him “DRE”. Now when I say “lost” I just mean we fell off…bad. I’ve known him for 7 1/2 years and he was THE example of what it means for a man to care and respect a woman.
How good of a man was he? Well, we started off as friends..really. We got to know each other for WHO we were not WHAT we had in terms of material things and status in life. It was 8 months later that I found out he owned his own company, but I didn’t care about that I loved his personality, his charm and it didn’t hurt that he was easy on the eyes. I met him back in 2006 through a mutual friend when I took a trip to Houston for my 21st birthday.
At first I didn’t think he was interested because he played it “cool” if I tried to look into his eyes when I talked to him he’d look away and then when I found out he was actually from California it turned me off. Why you ask? This may surprise you, but most African-American men in Southern California don’t date black women, so sad but unfortunately and disgustingly true.
Anyway, after spending a week out in Houston he and I hit it off and it was like “perfect” timing. I was single he was single not to mention he was the first guy that I kissed that gave me “butterflies”. After I returned home to California “Dre” and I stayed in touch I found out so much about him he was open with me and so was I.
He even helped me understand the Bible better and would send me daily text messages with scriptures. I thought to myself, he is extremely handsome, is educated, funny and God-fearing? I hit the jackpot! We chatted for about a month, but because I was still dealing with “traces from the past” from a bad breakup I didn’t pay much attention to “Dre”. He was very attentive toward me but I was not consistent with my interest toward him because I was scared and honestly I thought he was “too good” for me in the sense that I was not emotionally ready.
Somewhere between 2006-2009 we didn’t talk. Well, we communicated twice every year via texts and emails but nothing really came of it until I moved back from Wisconsin to California back in 2010. After I broke up with my ex something told me to contact “Dre” just to say “Hi” I remember he was in a relationship (or so I thought).
I called him and he was so excited I told him I was moving back to California and he said he was too because his new contract was bringing him to California and he just broke up with his ex. My heart was blooming I thought what a coincidence we are both single and moving back to the same state.
So we met up and he also met my Mom. Now I know what your thinking “Why would he meet your mom out the blue?” My mother knew ABOUT him the first time I met him back in 2006 so it was not like he was “new”. My mom fell in love with him and he liked her a lot too.
After 3 months of hanging out in the summer of 2010, I met his Dad, Dre helped me pick out a car we went out on some dates and everything was easy breezy, then we “fell-off”…again. Another year goes by and we go on with our lives.
I never understood why our interaction was so up and down all I can say is that anytime I needed something he was there for me, our friends and family knew about each other and everyone would always ask “How come you two are not a couple?” To this day between 2011-2013 I could not figure that out. I just remember he was super into me at a time when I was emotionally unavailable and I did not think that was fair to him and prior to 2008 my confidence was shot and I didn’t think I was good enough for him, but every time we went out on dates we acted like a couple and people on the street would compliment us telling us we make a “hot couple”.
Fast forward to 2013 something changed, I found myself finally available 100% he ended up living in the same area as me we hung out almost every other weekend and I was growing closer to him, closer then I had ever been in the 7 1/2 years I had known him.
All I remember was when he was in the middle of “house hunting” he was over at my place things were good. When I was hospitalized three times last year due to heart palpitations, one night I had a severe panic attack (which I did not know at the time), my mother could not get to me and she called “Dre” who was in San Diego and he stopped what he was doing, hopped on his motorcycle and drove all the way from San Diego to Los Angeles to take me to the hospital.
In case your wondering how far San Diego is from Los Angeles it’s a good 2 hrs, he literally came and rescued me and stayed with me 3 days to make sure I was ok. How sweet right? After that I knew he could potentially be the one. That week within me he felt like my man and I felt like his woman and we called each other “babe”. I wanted to have the “talk” with him about our status and finally tell him how I REALLY felt and what I wanted but I got scared I didn’t want to “ruin” what we “had”. So I let it go.
I know, I know if I was not upfront then it’s my fault right? Not exactly, after 6 months of being in close proximity a “shift” occurred to make a long story short he completely turned on me and made it seem like it was our mutual friends fault on why we fell off, then we made up just 6 months ago I told him I had deep feelings for him more then a friend I didn’t use the word “Love” but that’s how I really felt. I told him that if it’s something he does not want then I can’t be his “friend” right now. He was super disappointed and obviously didn’t hear the “right now” part.
Months went by I gave him sometime to “think about it” but nothing. When I did text him to check on him he cursed me out and acted like he didn’t know me he said “It’s all or nothing” and I was confused because shouldn’t I be the one saying that? Didn’t I tell him to give me sometime to get over my “love” feelings for him and that I’m not dissing him? On top of that when he was “talking to someone” he acted like I didn’t exist, yet when the “girls messed up” (according to him) he was running back to me. I some how filled the” temporary girl-friend” void. To avoid that, that is why I told him how I really felt and what I wanted.
So finally, I let it go. 6 months later I pretty much emotionally let him go but still had love for him in my heart, and honestly I still do. I moved back to Houston 4 weeks ago and ironically enough my room-mate (our mutual friend) tells me “Dre” is flying out here for a week. Well, the other day he came over with his NEW GIRLFRIEND they walked in and he completely ignored me, she surprisingly acknowledged me only because I made it a POINT to say hi to HER and to show I AM HERE.
I don’t think she knew who I was. “Dre” turned out to be the guy I could call for anything, I’d listen to him complain about the women that didn’t work out and laughing and having a great time and even shared deep secrets and being able to come over. To the person who said I was not allowed to walk in his house after 8p.m., cursing me out, calling me out my name and being completely disrespectful in front of people and embarrassed me.
There was so much details I left out, out of respect for the person. The guy I once loved turned out to be a stranger and A** hole of my life.
*The name(s) used in this post are fictitious out of respect and privacy
**Update: (the photo of me and “dre” has been removed) I also am no longer roommates with our mutual friend got my own spot. 🙂 things in life are good
**Update2: There is a comment below that “dre” made in “defense” of what I said, just to be clear I never gave any ultimatums, all I said was I need to let go of the feelings and distance myself from him since we are not together. He then asked “so where do we go from here?” I said “I dont know” and left it at that. I did not say, “its all or nothing” or make any demands I kept it real and actually told him WHY I could not be friends with him, where does the ultimatum come in?
***Update 3:And the anonymity of “Dre” has been breached due to his own willingness to reveal himself.
***Update 4 11/09/15: “Dre” and I are closer then ever :). Forgiveness and Love is more powerful then hate and bitterness.