“You’re a Hater!” “You’re a Hater!”. How many times have you heard that or have repeatedly blasted those words from your own mouth and sounded like a broken record?
We are all guilty of it some by default. Whether you are guilty of “hating” on others or witnessed it or are a constant victim of it , we have all experienced it in some form or fashion. But what exactly is “hating”? Why do we do it? What is hating? According to the Urban Dictionary (not surprising): When one puts down the success or fortune of others due to jealousy. Simple, accurate and well put.
So now that we all know “Hating” just simply means jealous, why then do we do it? How do we overcome jealousy? I can speak for myself as a person who was once the “hater” to someone who has now become a daily “victim” of “hating”.
From the time I was in elementary school all the way through my Sophomore year of High School I was very insecure. It was so bad that I wanted to bleach my skin, would adopt the habits of other people to become someone else, and I would always seek approval from others. I look back at that now and laugh and thought why would I want to be anything other than my beautifully, wonderfully, and fearlessly “made by God” self?
It also did not help that I surrounded myself with other people who were insecure so I constantly witnessed the people I hung around with talk negatively about other people and unfortunately I adopted those habits. When a girl would look at another girl and say “eww look at her hair, who does she think she is?” In my mind I was thinking “what is wrong with her hair and why are you talking about her?” But my response was, “yea, she’s not all that”. Just so I would “fit-in” with whoever I was around, but deep inside I felt sick to my stomach and guilty.
It was the same response I had when someone would be jealous of someone else’s accomplishments. Unfortunately, it did not help that I was bullied from 6th grade to my Sophomore year of High School which just added on to the insecurities I already had and I never understood why girls picked on me all the time, and surprisingly (as a woman) they still do till this day. I discovered that when you are insecure with who you are and are not happy with yourself you constantly “hate” on others deep down inside in subtle ways and sometimes blatant ways.
But Enough about my long drawn out story let’s get into the top signs you’re a “hater” and ways to overcome that sick little “bug” inside.
10. You constantly talk about people in a negative way (even those closest to you). You tend to find yourself putting other people down for no apparent reason. If you see a stranger walking by and whisper to your friend “eww don’t ever look like her/him” or you find ways to put your closest friend down by saying “you can’t do it, your lazy” etc. A jealous person always criticizes in public, while a GOOD friend who is SECURE only gives constructive criticism in private.
9. You scream out “YOU’RE A HATER“. This is probably the most annoying thing, when someone who actually is doing the hating can’t come up with a better response to your higher road act of “silence is golden” rather than hating they say YOUR the hater. When deep down inside they are jealous of YOU.
8. Putting down others accomplishments. If this is not the most obvious sign of “hating”. You share your good news or fortune and the person either ignores your good news completely or says cool and changes the subject, or tries to OUT DO you by randomly bringing up something by reverting the attention on them, because they can’t stand the fact that you accomplished something that they possibly are too afraid of doing or can’t do in the first place.
7. Talking over People when they have something positive to say. You would think everyone loves positivity. However, the unfortunate truth is everyone is not happy therefore they sometimes cannot accept you being happy and anytime you attempt to be positive and sound “smart” or “enlightened” they feel threatened in some kind of way and can’t understand why you are so happy or how you can be happy in their “negative space”. To get you on their level they talk over you or have to get in the last word because they feel you will make them look “bad” in front of others.
6. Can’t congratulate others. This goes back to putting others down in their time of celebration. You can’t for the life of you say “congratulations” and keep it at that. You find a way to “debunk” the good news with criticism or question the accomplishment.
5. You throw your “old” accomplishments in other people’s faces. It’s ok to share your good news, really, people want to hear it and feel motivated. But when you constantly brag about the same thing and have nothing new to talk about you are using it as “amo” to put someone else down to make yourself feel better.
4. Unsure of your skills and abilities. Typically if you are unsure of yourself and you are surrounded by someone who is confident and knows where they are going in life, and has found something they are good at. You feel a sense of “competition” and display the signs 5-8 to feel less threatened by others.
3. You say your going to help someone, but behind their back you find ways to put them down. I think that is self-explanatory you lie and tell someone in their face “I got you”, when really you don’t because you fear that the added “bonus” of support may work in favor for the other person. Not only are you low-key jealous but this is a tell-tale sign you are insecure.
2. You constantly question your friend’s ability to do something. It’s one thing to be genuinely concerned about your best/close friend by acting as a sincere “accountability partner”, but when you constantly question someone on something that you KNOW they are capable of doing or are well versed in, you create another sign of jealousy by questioning someone else for no apparent reason. Just because you are unsure if you can do it doesn’t mean the other person can’t.
1. You’re all around insecure, unhappy with your life and can’t be happy for others and are in constant NEED. This is a sure recipe for hating or being jealous of others who APPEAR to be doing better.You try to fill that void with lot’s of attention, alcohol, or putting others down.
So now that you have identified what a hater is and the reasons why you are potentially a hater or could become one. Let’s look at how to overcome that unnecessary feeling. Once you release the deep-seated insecurity, you feel less stress and much happier with your life.
1. Accept YOURSELF and the current circumstance you’re in. You MUST embrace yourself 100% in order to feel confident (not to be confused with arrogance). No matter how tall, short, skinny, fat, light, dark you are you have to accept that you were born “this way”. Now if you decide to “enhance” yourself that is on you if it makes you feel MORE confident do it, but embrace YOU wholeheartedly. You must also accept that things don’t always go according to YOUR plan so take the good in with the bad and learn from them so that you can progress forward. Once you have fully accepted yourself, the sly remarks from outsiders won’t get to you as much as it once did and you can easily laugh them off.
2. GENUINELY be happy for others and their accomplishments. I discovered that when I let go of the focus on SELF and direct positive energy toward someone else and feel happy for them, it makes me feel better about myself, because I can accept other people’s accomplishments without feeling insecure about mine. I know that is easier said then done because we live in a “competitive” world and the “trash” media is constantly sending out false messages about being “better” than the next person and that if you drive this or live here you’re on-top. BS! Accept other people’s good fortune use it as a tool for motivation.
3. Give Compliments. I can’t tell you how often I give compliments on a DAILY basis. The fact that I can constantly give out compliments and not expect to receive it back and still be confident in myself goes a long way. When you make others feel good or put a smile on their face it makes you feel even better which is the greatest reward. [Note]: the compliment must be sincere, not a way for you to manipulate and get what you want.
4. Work on your goals. We all have goals and dreams. When you put the attention and focus on things you are good at, you have no room or time to be jealous of others because you are focusing on the very thing that makes you happy…like blogging and giving advice :).
5. If you don’t have nothing nice to say, just don’t say it at all. Look I know it’s an old “cliché” your parents taught you when you were a kid. At first I didn’t agree with it but it’s true. I know sometimes you have to hear things or even tell someone you love something that they may not want to hear. Holding someone accountable for their actions is one thing, but to bring up things that are not necessary or because you want to PROVE a point can nine times out of ten be saved for the “Silent-thoughts jar”. You won’t believe how much power comes in with just sitting and listening. Be slow to anger (response) and quick to listen, even if you don’t agree by having the will power of being the bigger person and letting someone foolishly “go off” with loose lips. This speaks more volumes then spitting out dirt and only makes YOU look better in the end.
6. Pray. When all else fails just pray about it. Pray for confidence, peace, whatever it is that will help make you become a more confident person and a better person for those around you. Again, this is easier said than done but nonetheless can be done.
So today go out and compliment someone, do something that makes you happy, find your cure for your jealousy and I can assure you will be a much happier person inside and life can go more smoothly for you.
I want to REALLY hear your thoughts what do you think about jealousy and insecurity? Have you been a victim? Are you the hater, and why?