Maybe it’s all three. I am sitting here at work in a cubicle feeling fatigued, with a numb right arm. I just came from the health center and they claim my blood pressure is normal.
Ok got that out the way.
So I have a “confession” to make. Like most women, I’m not completely confident with my body even though I get compliments about my “petite” frame on a constant basis. It still does not overshadow the small insecurity I have about my body. You see, I have been intentionally trying to gain weight some healthy, some bad. In the past two months I have gained 10lbs (which you still cannot notice on me) considering the beginning weight I started out with.
Ever since I came to live in Houston, the women look much different out here then they do in California and I admire that. I love how “thick” women are embraced. As a matter of fact, they are much more desired by men out here, “skinny” is definitely not in. Now I would not describe myself as “skinny” at least not anymore. I am an average healthy weight, but get this, I want more weight. My trainer told me to make sure I eat “healthy” proteins, veggies, and drink plenty of water plus exercise etc. I’m very familiar with the “routine”. When I weighed myself I was very happy. However, I have not been happy about the way I’ve been feeling.
So considering that I am still in my twenties, overall healthy and last test and physical came back normal, I have been eating everything in sight! I love how “good” food is within my reach. For breakfast, today I had eggs, oatmeal, biscuit and gravy, grits, and orange juice ,a very filling meal. Before moving out here when I stayed in Cali, it was green tea or water and a granola bar, or piece of fruit or no breakfast at all.
My whole focus is “calories”. If I can get those calories from bread, pasta, chicken, biscuits and gravy, mac and cheese, pizza and fries, I will take it. I have been enjoying that type of food for the past month and have gained the results I wanted (pun intended) but at the expense of my health. Ever since I slowed down on the exercise, eating everything I can including cookies, cakes and pie. I have been feeling very fatigued, bloated stomach, dizziness, numbness and weak joints, not the results I was looking for. I realized I am trying to “change” myself to try to look like women whose bodies are not even built the same as mine.
I mean yes, it would be nice to have a bigger butt (in my world) and matching thighs and to have men gawking at me, but at what expense? My life???? Risk deteriorating my health because of “whats in”? Yea sure I
I began to ask why am I really doing this? We all want to look and feel good. Granted, I have gained 10 lbs. However, that’s a small amount of weight for someone who was slightly “under weight”. I actually don’t need to gain anymore and I have received a lot of compliments and was actually receiving compliments before I went on my “weight gain” journey but here’s the thing, I LOVE MY NEW WEIGHT. As long as I am confident but most important feel GOOD on the inside at the same time that is all that matters. I’ll be honest I do want 6.5 more pounds of muscle weight in my thighs and booty so now I am just focusing on toning, toning, toning. Similar to the picture above. Now I have to be realistic with my body weight and fitness goals. Bottom line, I will probably not be “bootylicious” like Beyonce, Bria Myles, Kim. K, or even the fake Nicky Minaj booty, my body was not built like that.
If I have to eat “crap” in order to see significant weight distribute throughout my body to be like the above mentioned people, it is not meant for me to be “voluptuous”. If you think about it as women, our bodies change as we get older and our metabolism slows down so I might as well enjoy my “petiteness” and not let songs like “anaconda” (horrible song by the way) or “Booty” or “Shake it Fast” make me feel insecure. If you don’t like it you can kiss my (expletive) it is what it is. I guess it bothered me because I don’t look my age I look really young and being petite makes me look more young but whats wrong with being petite?
Ladies whatever your HEALTHY weight is be ok with it. If you want to be more curvy gain HEALTHY weight and do the right exercise to target those areas you want to see change with a nutritious diet so you’re not putting your life at risk to look like someone else. If people are in your face be it friends, family, or associates who make comments about you being “too small” not having a curvacious body…SCREW EM’. You are perfectly made, you are fine and nine times out of ten they wish they looked like you. So be fit, confident, and most importantly healthy and stop obsessing on looking like the next person and if it is a man you are doing this for tell him to kiss your butt, if he don’t like the natural you, another man will!
Do you like who you are? Are you happy with your current weight? I would like to hear from you